My roommate asked me what the date was and I said “it’s the 16th of Halloween”. I didn’t realize what was wrong until she pointed it out.
1000 POINTS TO SLYTHERIN
there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator
see what intrigues me about college isn’t the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this
Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class I took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn’t be counted late. I mean, that’s a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance.
Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning “Look who’s late” face, and walks on inside.
What he didn’t know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like “Fuck it” and SCALED THE BUILDING!
She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom.
He did a double take, started to say “How the hell d—” when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed “STOP DOING THAT!”
"Let’s take this sensitive thing and make it shrinkable"- My roommate describing a dick
Okay this is cute.
this is how you prank
THISSSS! Is totally how you prank!!!
Pranks should spread laughter to all in the prank, not cause someone pain and unnecessary stress while you laugh at their expense!
you know what would be cool? a show about, like, vigilante Victorian prostitutes hunting down Jack the Ripper.
They never did figure out why he stopped killing. And most serial killers don’t stop unless they are stopped. I’m just saying.
brb writing the script
imagine Bucky goes to have a blood test one time and the nurse can’t find a vein
and they’re like ‘are you sure it’s this arm you usually have blood taken from?? maybe i should try the other one’
and he just looks at them like
I absolutely love books and believe they should be treated right. You can highlight, dog-ear, and mark it up as much as you want, as long as you are going to keep it and make it a home on your shelf. That being said, I often get frustrated with a book I’m reading and want to put it through a damn wall. Instead what happens is I put them in “time-out”. The offending book goes into the corner of the room and it stays there until I’m done being angry at it for whatever the heck I read. Favorite background character dies? Time-out. Someone’s dark internal monologue hit too close to home? Time-out. Racial injustice? Time-out. This allows me time to sort out my feelings and works awesomely, except for the fact that it looks really fucking weird to do it in public, so if I’m reading while out I reserve my feelings until I get home AND THEN it goes in the corner. Now for the story bit, last year I took a class on the Antebellum period that focused on the lives of slaves. Due to the nature of the narratives, they went in time-out a lot and were often left there until I needed them for class. During this time I lived in a dorm with two roommates. After a month of living with them, one of my roommates spotted Kindred in the corner and asked me why it was there. I told her it was in time-out and resumed typing my essay. She stood there for a few seconds and then went back to getting food. About a week passed and I went to once again put a book in the corner to find that it was occupied. In my time-out spot was Beloved. When my roommate got home that day she went to grab her book and saw mine sitting next to it and grinned. About two weeks later, having off and on shared my time-out spot with her, we came home to an economics textbook in the corner. Confused, we asked our third roommate if she had put it there. She looked us dead in the eye and went “You guys put books in time-out because the characters make you mad. I’m fucking done with numbers” and went back to eating her Nutella.
fun fact: the reason that the plural of goose is geese but the plural of moose is not meese is because goose derives from an ancient germanic word undergoing strong declension, in the pattern of foot/feet and tooth/teeth, wherein oo is mutated to ee. however ‘moose’ is a native american word added to the english lexicon only ~400 years ago, and lacks the etymological reason to be pluralized in that way.
Oh baby. Keep talking dirty to me.
Ravenclaws that go through existential crises every other week because of things they’re reading though
- like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE POTIONS HOMEWORK? I’M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHETHER OTHER MEANS OF TORTURE ARE ACTUALLY MORE ETHICAL THAN THE CRUCIATUS…